Tuesday, January 25, 2011

You probably think this blog is about you...

On a good day, of which I discovered I have had more than my fair share, I don't fall into other people's drama. Their problems are not my problems, and I can't put a cape on and rescue them, so their drama stays somewhat distant to me. Not that I'm not empathetic to a person's situation or plight, but I just can't help them other than to listen. Lately, though, I realize I have surpassed my capacity for being the "sounding board" for anyone. I've discovered that some people can really be so self-absorbed sometimes. They call me and complain on a regular basis with no regard to my feelings. I guess to give them some leeway, they might think I don't have any issues, but I don't appreciate being taken for granted. It doesn't make them "bad" people, but sometimes I need to vent, too. I have to recognize my limits, and I've drawn the line. Don't bother me, don't call me, find someone else to vent to, change your life if it's that bad 'cause no one else can do it for you, and life really IS too short, so don't waste it. I barely have the stamina to get through my own challenges right now. I can hardly resolve my anger over some things that normally would not even register with me. My situation has changed, and there's no shame in saying...... I need some space.

On a sidenote... I would rather be separated from the one I love for an entire year, than to spend every day with someone I would be miserable with. I really miss my husband. It's hard right now. I know this is just a stage, and there will be a light at the end of this long tunnel, but I'm sad. My heart is stretched.

..:: Carly Simon's "You're so vain" playing in the background::...

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I'll burn that bridge over troubled waters after I cross it.

Two days ago, I burned my jawline when the curling iron was real good and hot. Felt the sizzle, too. Then, when I wasn't thinking, I scratched it this morning and made it much worse. Add to that my fall last night, and I think it's time to invest in a little more life insurance. It seems I can drive in the snow through Atlanta without wrecking, but I can't make it from the front door to the trashcan without seriously wiping out. I really cut the top of my foot up, too. It took three butterfly and balloon band aids just to cover the cuts.

Alyssa and I took our trip to TN. We had fun with family and friends, but there wasn't enough time for visiting everyone because we were snowed in one day. My dad had to get his tractor out and clear the snow and grade the driveway just so I could get my Jeep out the next day. Getting out was one thing, but coming back in we got stuck. Had to call my dad to come and rescue us. He walked up the driveway, which is pretty long, got in the Jeep, threw it in reverse, hit about 30mph, put it back in drive, and then proceeded to show the bats still remaining in hell how it's really done. I increased my lung capacity exponentially from holding my breath so long during this incident. At least I stayed out of his flower beds, though. I can't say the same about others. No names needed... T.O.M.

I've got to get back to my projects now that we're home. Normal chores and errands to be done, plus I have to get all the closets cleaned out for Goodwill. I already have about 100 hangers on my guest bed from what I've done so far. If only those little starving pygmies could eat hangers, I think I could cure world hunger.

For those of you who may not be aware of it, there are stages of emotions during deployments and unaccompanied tours. I hit a new one yesterday. The grumpy one. Thankfully, my husband is possibly the most understanding and patient person I know. Everything I threw at him, he just rolled with it. He let me pout and rant, then reminded me how much he loved me. He told me how if he were home, he'd be babying all my boo-boos. God, I miss him. Yesterday was just one of those days that I really could've used his comforting arms around me. From everything that happened, it seemed that me missing him just made it all harder. I had a guy rip me off of $45 for a repair on my gun. (And to you, you old man... you're a prick for charging me, and your little buddy flat-out lied when he said he wouldn't charge me.) I should've said that in the store, but I knew I was too close to the edge. I knew if I wasn't nice about it, I was going to be really nasty. So, I just kept a smile on my face, paid, and when he said "Nowa, listen heara... when you get a new sight from that there Taurus, you just bring it on back in here, and I'll be more than happy to put it on for ya".... I said, still smiling... "Don't worry, I won't be back. I'll get it done right this time". Smiled again, and walked out.

Even though it's not always a bed of roses... I AM getting skinny. I now can get back into my size 8 Gap jeans. They look awesome, too, if I say so myself . I was really surprised when I tried them on. I didn't think they'd fit, but they couldn't have fit better. So, that's a total of 15 pounds that I've lost so far since Bruce has been gone. I'm actually skinnier than when I met Bruce!!!!!! This makes me feel fabulous!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Can I offer you a cup of....

Not in the mood. Just not even in da mood. Some days are better than others. I acknowledge this. Some days are ordinary and we quickly forget. Some days are so wonderful that we never forget. Then there are the days we wish we could forget. While I'm at it, how about the last 5? Just go ahead and wipe my brain of all of it. This year is off to a wobbly start and if it weren't for my wonderful husband and my friend, Linda.... I'd be over the edge. There's that glimmer of "crazy" everytime I catch my reflection in the mirror. I guess it could be lack of sleep, lack of patience, lack of sex, or lack of food. With all those "lacks", it's no damn wonder I'm feeling evil.

One particular bit of wisdom that always applies, and that a Wicked Woman should never forget, is one should be careful where one puts one's expectations. It's perfectly alright to have them, just practice caution when applying them to certain people or events.

Oh, and just to put it out there in the Universe: To the lady at Wal Mart... I really don't care what you think is 'different'. Next time, have a nice warm cup of "Shut-the-Fuck-Up" with your breakfast. It'll do you good.