Today I was checking out what search words people had typed in that ended up bringing them to my blog. I laughed out loud when I read "Two things a wicked woman will always do." What I found so funny about this is that someone actually needed to know. Whether they are trying to weed out a "wicked" woman from one who is not wicked by two specific behaviors or not, we'll never know (unless they happen to read this and feel like commenting), or the possibility that someone they know might be wicked and they're trying to find two specific charcteristics to back up what they already think about this person who may or may not be wicked. I will answer this question at the end, but first I need to give a little background to my answer. Thank goodness recent events provided such a clear cut answer.
I'm wicked. My dream last night only confirmed it. Seriously, I am not making this up. Last night I dreamed **let me interject here: please forgive my subconscious if I mention you in the details of my dream, it only means you are important enough to be in my dreams, and it probably means nothing anyway, but just in case it does mean something... you might want to grab a bible and straighten up if you want to get into heaven and are doing something that you are aware of that "heavenly" people don't do** so, anyway... last night I dreamed that I was with a random group of strangers in the street. I don't know what we were doing, but when I became aware of where I was water began filling up the streets. The odd thing was that it wasn't rising around the people and myself, but rather it was lifting us all up above this weird shaped wave. We were all actually on top of the water. I ended up being at the top of the wave (maybe I'm the wickedest) and all of a sudden a sort of cloudy apparition appeared in front and slightly above us. At first, people started saying it was a demon, but it didn't seem quite as menacing as I would imagine a demon to be. This apparition (for lack of a better word) seemed to form itself out of a dark, cloud-like mist into a face without clear features, but rather holes where the eyes, nose and mouth would be. The apparation then tells us something along the lines of: we aren't going straight to heaven, but the people who are have already been taken.
I look around as the wave rescinds and now it is dark and people are scattering. I walk over to a building that is sectioned off on the inside by partial walls. People are taking seats in pews. I notice that there are a lot of people. Actually most of them I knew. They are all sitting together in the same groups as I knew them in real life. The friends from early childhood, middle school, high school, college, and people since then are all grouped respectively. As I walked along the outside wall of long pews (yes, I realize it seems church-like, but it wasn't a church) I am really surprised to see two girls that I went to elementary school with. I thought "Wow, I NEVER thought THEY would be here. I always thought those two girls were so shy and sweet." But there they were, never the less. So, I kept walking towards the back of the room, looking for someone I knew well enough to sit with. Low and behold, there's Kim. My very best friend of almost 23 years. She was about to sit with some girls from high school, and I was trying to get her attention because I didn't want to sit there for some reason. She sees me and we both keep walking towards the back of the room. We then walk into another section that's divided off from the previous room, and we take a seat together. Now this room is almost empty. Then Jennifer walks up. She's my other bestie of about 21 years. She'd dressed to the nines. Of course she's going to look fabulous, she can't help it. I am surprised that they are both there. At the same time, I'm relieved. (Now what does that say about my selfishness???) Then we "hear" the explanation of why we are all there. It was a very formal lecture, yet it wasn't fire and brimstone. I can't remember exactly what was said, but the gist of it was that we weren't bad enough to go to hell, but we weren't good enough to get into heaven. We had to "serve" four years. I don't know what we were supposed to do during this time, but I remember being bored. Actually, I was emotionless, with the exception of the content feeling I have with being around Kim and Jennifer. To admit to this now really makes me feel guilty. Because I would like to think that if I really did experience this, that I would have the common sense to be a little more interested in what was going on, and not act so blase about it. I mean, it was really as if I was in school, and the teacher was going over something that I already knew. Yeah, I get the Fruedian link to that message too. It's not lost on me.
Anyway, this is where it gets ironic. Bruce walks up. Funny thing was, I hadn't thought about him before he walked up. It's not like I was walking around thinking "Where's Bruce?" or "Oh he must've 'left' already.", it's just that he hadn't entered my subconscious until that point. So, he walks up to us (Jennifer is still standing in front of Kim and I, who are sitting) and he sits beside me and says "Hey, I found a book, that gives shortcuts of how to get this done in two years." I looked at him and said "REALLY?", but honestly I was thinking "Ugh. I have to put effort into this." What's ironic about him finding a book with shortcuts is that the man does not read. In the years that we've been together he's read about three books. It's just not his thing. But this past weekend he starts reading the first book of an entire series (The Princess of Mars) and now he's already onto the second book. Maybe this IS a premonition.
So, it seems I'm wicked for sure. I knew this. I claimed it. And I'll probably end up doing years for it. At least, if my dream is a premonition, I'll be with some of my favorite people. Now to answer the question: Two things a wicked woman will always do... here it is.
#1. A wicked woman will be bored with the idea of purgatory.
#2. A wicked woman will be relieved that all her favorite people won't be going directly to heaven.
I'm off to bed now. First, though, I'm going to talk to my non-practicing Catholic husband on how to do a hail Mary. It might help, who knows?