Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Proper playground etiquette... I'm gonna let my "bitch" flow.

I am coming to the realization that I don't play well with others.... at least not when they don't know how to play the right way. I also realize that I am very protective of my adorable and sweet two year old daughter. She may not be able to kick that seven year old girl's ass, but I can (at least in theory).

ARGH!!!! I just can not relay to you, on here, just how mad I was yesterday at the playground. It's going to get really offensive here in regards to language, like a bad case of Turrett's... so consider yourself warned. (got in trouble for the language. It's been edited)

What is the deal with lazy women who can't "supervise" their kids? It's no wonder the little sharts behave the way they do, considering their mothers are too lazy to shut their pie-trap, get off their enormous butts, and actually exert some energy to walk around and see why every single child coming within two feet of their kid is crying. There were actually two kids, or should I say demons, that were terrorizing the other children. One was a boy, maybe about eight, that was hitting, shoving, kicking and biting. Yes, biting! When I saw him knock the crap out of a two year old, who promptly hit the ground from the sheer force of it, I finally said to the two women sitting about three feet away "WHO'S KID IS THAT?!" They just kind of shrugged their shoulders non-chalantly and kept chatting. No suprise there considering the little brat that shoved Alyssa on the slide belonged to one of them. Oh, and that little hellion's name just happened to be Alyssa, too, which caused my Alyssa to look scared when the mother started yelling at her daughter "COME ON ALYSSA!!! It's TIME to GO!!!" I thought Alyssa might cry for a moment when she thought she might have to go somewhere with that woman. Only one woman seemed to have her act together and actually "parented" her kids. I wished I'd chatted her up more, but maybe she'll be back. Anyway... the aforementioned little girl kept running UP the slide and knocking kids out of the way. One of them literally fell off the side, and thank goodness it was only about a three foot fall from that point. When she shoved Alyssa at the top of the slide (about eight feet up) I said "DO NOT push her!" The little brat responded with "Oh, it's OK". To which I said "NO, it is NOT ok. We do not push people." She just stared at me. But if you know me, I'm not intimidated by any little seven year old twerp, and I won that staring contest.

So, I told Bruce about what had happened because I like getting his opinion on dealing with anger-inducing situations. He's amazing at keeping his cool in any circumstance and I have become a calmer person from just being around him and seeing him in action. You want to know what he said? Well, get ready for this... he said "Stop repressing yourself! Just let your "bitch" flow." HA! Really? OK. But I'm not sure how to channel my "bitch" in this situation. Maybe something like approaching the lazy twit of a parent and saying "HEY, you watching that brat of yours? No? Then consider you might burn 50 calories by actually getting up and observing your eight year old biting a two year old." Hmmmm... don't think that'll go over too well. How about "My two year old may not be able to kick your eight year old's butt, but I have no problem doing it myself if you won't supervise the little terrorist-in-the-making you seem to be raising."? I just don't think that's going to win me the Miss Congeniality Award, either.

I'm not in the mood to try to come up with something politically correct. Especially if you consider the fact that these women probably wouldn't relate to it anyway since they aren't teaching their kids appropriate playground behavior to begin with. It's just laziness! And before anyone says "Oh, kids will be kids. Just lighten up", I'd put money on the fact that that person is raising a little bratty kid, too.

So, I think what I'm going to do is to continue to supervise Alyssa, and if something should happen I'm going to LOUDLY say "Who does this child belong to?!?!", while pointing directly to the child.  I'll make sure I have everyone's attention at this playground! Then should the child be claimed, I'll give a double dose of embarrasment and being loud again say, "Why don't you come over her and have a little discussion on how to behave on the playground". I have no shame in being loud, either. It leaves less room for someone to misconstrue anything I say. There'll be more witnesses, too, should the mom be a smart-ass and underestimate my supressed-redneck-bitch ways.

**Just an end-note. Please don't forget that I have been on both ends of the weight spectrum. I am not judging these women for being overweight. I am passing judgement on their lack of disciplining and monitoring their children. Their weight just becomes the target when I see a possible connection between their laziness and their children's behavior. I have a flat, white-girl booty and would actually consider it a compliment if someone said I had a fat ass.

1 comment:

  1. LOL! ABSOLUTELY, say something!
    I haven't run into that big of a problem on the playground yet. Usually, it's Norah trying to maneuver in front of another kid to go up the slide. I'm the one running after her saying, "no, no, you need to wait your turn, we share, blah, blah..."
    Once, a girl about 7 or 8 pushed Norah down the slide because she thought she was taking too long. I did yell, "DO NOT PUSH!" but the parent wasn't paying any attention at all.
    So yes, say something. There is a time to let kids fight their own battles but something as extreme as that, I would call out that parent, TOTALLY. and you'll be teaching Alyssa not to put up with that shit.